Jeremiah - new born

Both my daughters were delivered naturally ~ the water broke, there was contractions & labour pains.

J's birth was scheduled. When the time came, there was none of that. It was surreal, very calm & uneventful. Pre-op preparations & then waiting for the doctor (who was ½hr late). I felt a tinge impatient - just a tinge. I still feel apprehension bringing him into this world 3 weeks early.

The doctor came & the anesthetist did her job. I have requested for local anesthesia - I wanted to stay awake & be there the moment he arrived.

It took a while for the doctor to get to him. There was a change in the vibes in the OT when J was delivered - everyone fell silent. The expected wailing did not come to my ears. Then I heard it, albeit a short one. I felt relieved - he's alive!!!. I waited for the nurse to do the standard cleaning, weighing, swaddling, tagging the bracelet....

When PA finally brought J to me he had a solemn look on his face ( I could see that even though I was not wearing my glasses). I held J for the first time, just elated that he'd made it. I didn't notice any else - probably due to the anesthesia.

Our first encounter was brief, then J was whisked away in the bassinet & I learned later - straight to the NICU, the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.

J was born underweight for a 37-week baby - just over 2kg. He was also born ebony-skinned. As dark as the darkest African person. PA & I are of pure Chinese ancestry. As soon as I was able to, I went to see him at the NICU. J has had his 1st blood test & had a high jaundice reading. He was put under the UV lamp & had an eye mask on. He was skinny but was actually the largest baby in the NICU, mostly there due to pre-mature birth. At this point I couldn't see his true skin colour due to the UV light on him & didn't understand what the fuss was about. He looked to me like a tan baby.

I visited him every day. I touched him but did not hold him - I did not know that I could do that him being so fragile. On the 3rd day, a nurse casually asked me if I wanted to hold him. I said: "I can?". She was surprised
I hadn't done that already, promptly turned off the UV lights & handed J to me. It was a wonderful moment. Reality struck at that moment too - seeing J for the 1st time without the UVL - his skin was ebony black, almost as if he was burned except it was smooth. But it still didn't bother me. He was doing much better than my overactive imagination had earlier envisioned.

The pediatrician was a kind man, Dr Terence Tan. He was baffled by J's hyper pigmentation & couldn't determine what was the cause. J's jaundice readings remained high too, despite the continuous UVL treatment.

It came time for me to be discharged from the hospital but I didn't want to. As long as I was there, I could see him at anytime. I know I won't be able to if I went home. I'd only be able to see J when PA is available to send me there. =(